Tricks, Treats, and Toilet Paper
by Concave Patterns
Summary: A Halloween oneshot based on the prank gone wrong prompt "I'm really sorry I hit you in the face with toilet paper. I was trying to TP this house."


Her planning was meticulous.

Cackling to herself, Darcy zipped up her black gym bag. She'd always been a last minute, fly by the seat of your pants kind of girl, spending more than her fair share of late nights bent over her desk while she hammered out last-minute essays and crammed for forgotten exams. 'I'll think about it later' was pretty much her life motto.

...except when it came to exacting revenge.

Revenge was too important to leave to chance. Revenge required patience, extensive planning and, in this case, lots and lots of toilet paper.

In fact, Darcy managed to cram a dozen rolls of the stuff into her old, beat-up gym bag. She heaved the bag over her shoulder and grabbed her car keys off the kitchen counter. Now that she had her ammunition, she was ready to go.

Her destination was already plugged into her phone's GPS and Darcy called up the coordinates as she slid behind the wheel of her car. A fissure of excitement ran down her spine when she stuck the key in the ignition and the engine roared to life.

"Trick or treat, bitch." She whispered as she pulled out onto the street.

God, she couldn't wait to see the look on Veronica's face when the blonde opened her door to find her front yard looking like a Charmin factory had thrown up on it.

Veronica Palmer was, with no exaggeration, Darcy's arch nemesis. Her public enemy numero uno. The Joker to her Batman. The personification of everything Darcy hated in the world.

They had first met during Darcy's final semester at Culver. Well...'met' was maybe a bit of a stretch. They were never formally introduced; it was more like a stroke of bad timing on Darcy's part. She had barged into her boyfriend's apartment one Sunday afternoon to find his tongue becoming acquainted with the inside of Veronica's mouth.

Yeah...that was fun.

Not only had Veronica stolen the attention of Darcy's boyfriend, but she was also stealing all the limelight in class. Already a politician's daughter, she was favoured by all their professors and from the moment she set foot on campus, she'd practically been guaranteed to graduate at the top of the class.

So it had come as no surprise to Darcy when, after months of busting her ass to land a prestigious internship position at City Hall, she got a call regretfully informing her that the position had already been filled.

And it had been taken by none other than Veronica Palmer.

With the semester quickly coming to an end and a severely limited pool of available positions left, Darcy had scrambled to apply for the first random internship she could get her hands on in order to earn her final credits.

That's how she found herself playing Lab Assistant/General Caretaker for Dr. Jane Foster.

Working for Jane wasn't all that bad, Darcy supposed, but that didn't stop her from wanting to punch Veronica in her pretty little blonde head every time the two of them were in the same room together (seriously, even the way the girl _breathed _was annoying and Darcy had the twitchy eye to prove it).

Alas, Darcy had no desire to get herself expelled, especially when she was so close to graduation, so unfortunately her fist would not be meeting Veronica's face any time soon. Plus, with Darcy's luck, she'd probably break her hand on Veronica's perfectly sculpted cheekbones.

So Darcy settled for option two: a prank of epic proportions. And to top it all off, it was October 31st. Halloween. It made for the perfect cover for her plan.

The drive into the suburbs was quick and Darcy made sure to park her car a block away from Veronica's address. Stealth and all that.

She had dressed in head-to-toe black: a pair of dark skinny jeans and an oversized zip-up hoodie. She popped the hood up over her hair and retrieved her gym bag from the back seat. It was just before 10 p.m. All the trick-or-treaters had already gone home to sort through their loot, so the streets were bare. It was all part of Darcy's meticulous planning. Fewer witnesses meant a lower chance of someone calling the cops to report her creeping around, and being arrested was _not_ part of her plan (Darcy could never survive jail. Jail severely lacked freedom, privacy, and most importantly, Netflix).

She double-checked the address on her phone before shoving it and her car keys into the pockets of her jeans. Then, with her load of TP slung over her shoulder, Darcy headed off towards Veronica's house.

When she reached 627 Beechwood Street, she couldn't help but roll her eyes and scoff. Of course it was a gorgeous colonial-style home. The square footage of the porch alone was probably more than Darcy's entire apartment.

She unzipped her bag and dropped it behind one of the perfectly trimmed hedges that ran along the outer edge of the lawn. Then Darcy went to work.

Her first target was that damned porch. She used four rolls on it, throwing half of the unravelling paper up onto the roof and wrapping the rest of it around the porch railing and support beams.

Darcy stepped back to admire her work and grinned with approval. As she turned to grab more TP, her eyes landed on the oak tree standing a few feet in front of the living room window.

Bingo.

She dedicated four more rolls to the tree until so much toilet paper was wrapped through the tree branches, the thing looked like a giant standing Q-tip.

Darcy spread the remainder of the TP across the lawn in a messy zig-zag pattern. When she was left holding one last roll of paper, contemplating whether she should spread it down the driveway or leave it sitting on the front step as a final, subtle 'F-you', the porch light suddenly clicked on, bathing her in light.

Oh, crap. She hadn't worked an emergency escape scenario into her plan.

In a move of blind panic, Darcy hurled the final roll of toilet paper towards the door at the same moment the lock clicked and the door opened.

Her timing was literally the worst ever.

A man stepped out onto the porch and Darcy winced when the toilet paper made a beeline for him, nailing him right in the face. Poor guy didn't even see it coming.

Her victim cursed in pain and reached up to touch his nose. Even in the weak porch light, Darcy could tell that the impact of the toilet paper was enough to make his eyes water. Oops. She had even splurged on the extra-soft quilted stuff... who'd have thought it would pack such a punch?

"Aw, hell." Darcy hopped up the front steps. Her hands fluttered uselessly around the guy's shoulders as he covered his face with his hand and groaned. "Look man, I'm really sorry I hit you in the face. I was just trying to TP this house."

"Why?" The guy asked. He was still covering most of his face so the question came out kind of nasally as he spoke into his hand. "What did I ever do to you?"

Darcy shook her head. "It's not you, it's your girlfriend. Er...sister, maybe? Who are you, anyway?"

"What the hell are you talking about?" Startling clear green eyes stared her down as the man lowered his hand, finally giving Darcy an uninhibited view of his face. Damn, he was a good looking guy, even if he was currently glaring daggers at her.

Darcy crossed her arms over her chest and stared back at him, lifting her chin. "What the hell are _you _talking about?"

The guy sighed and his eyes flicked upwards, as if he were praying for patience. "I live alone. No girlfriend, no sister."

Well, that wasn't the answer she'd been expecting.

Darcy fumbled for her phone, pulling it from her pocket and quickly scrolling to her GPS app. "But this is 627 Beechwood, right?"

The guy snorted and gave her a look that clearly said he thought Darcy was the biggest idiot in the universe. "This is 672. The house you want is on the other end of the street."

"Oops...my bad." Darcy offered up an apologetic grin but when the man's face didn't so much as twitch in response, she quickly dropped it. "Really, Mister Fancy-House, I'm sorry."

"Loki." The man responded, leaning his shoulder against the doorjamb.

Darcy blinked at him, "Huh?"

He had that look on his face again, the 'oh my god, how stupid can you be?' look that Darcy was really starting to dislike. "My name," he clarified.

Darcy stuck her hand out towards him, "Darcy Lewis."

Loki's eyebrows pulled together as he looked down at her hand. When he made no move to meet her handshake, Darcy joked weakly, "Don't leave me hanging."

With a long sigh, he took her hand and gave it a single obligatory shake. His grip was warm, strong, and gone way too soon for her liking.

Darcy awkwardly stuffed her hands into the pockets of her hoodie to keep herself from doing something stupid, like reaching for his hand again.

"So, um, I'd appreciate it if you don't call the cops or anything." She scuffed the toe of her sneaker along the wood beneath her feet, trying to look as innocent and apologetic as possible.

"I'm not going to call the cops," Loki replied, "but let me tell you what _is_ going to happen."

Darcy tensed, waiting for him to continue.

"You are going to clean up this mess and while you do, you will explain why you felt the need to cover my yard in toilet paper." Loki paused, catching her eye and smiling slightly. "Then you and I are going to 627 Beechwood to finish the job properly."

Darcy's mouth dropped open in surprise. "You actually want to help me TP the right address?"

"Sure." He picked up the roll of toilet paper that Darcy had thrown at his face, tossing it up into the air. He caught it easily with one hand before holding it out towards her. "I never said I didn't like a good prank."

His grin was way too charming and Darcy felt herself becoming totally flustered as she took the roll of toilet paper from his hand.

"Ooookay then." She cleared her throat and hoped it was dark enough that he wouldn't see the way her cheeks flushed. Not only was he was single and wildly attractive, but now he also had a mischievous side? She had no idea what to make of this guy.

As she started cleaning up the yard, Darcy filled Loki in on her war against Veronica the Ruiner of Relationships and Internships. The clean-up job took a full half hour and during the entire time that Darcy worked, Loki sat patiently on the porch steps, listening to her rant and occasionally interjecting his own comments.

"There, done." Darcy brushed her slightly sweaty hair off her neck and unzipped her hoodie, letting the October breeze cool her down. Man, undoing her TP job had been a whole lot harder than she'd expected. She bent and stuffed the last of the toilet paper back into her gym bag before looked over at Loki. "Showtime?"

Loki nodded, "One moment." He popped up onto his feet and went into his house, quickly returning with his own dark hoodie (navy blue, and Darcy couldn't help noticing how nicely the colour complimented his eyes) and a set of keys which he used to lock the door. "627 is this way," he pointed up the street and Darcy followed his lead, quickly falling into step next to him.

"I'm surprised you were home." Darcy commented as they continued down the sidewalk.

"What do you mean?" Loki glanced over at her.

Darcy shrugged, "I just figured a guy like you would be out at some giant Halloween party tonight."

"A guy like me?" Loki raised his eyebrows, giving her a curious look.

"Hot," Darcy clarified, as blunt as ever. "You're hot. You must have a lot of friends."

Loki laughed, looking almost embarrassed by her comment as he shoved his hands into his pockets. "I have a fair amount of friends but I value my alone time as well."

Darcy nodded approvingly, "I get that."

Before she could say anything else on the subject, Loki nudged her. "We're here."

Darcy stared up at the sprawling property in front of her. "Hot damn." She muttered. She'd been impressed by Loki's place but this...this was insanity. A friggin' mansion.

"A little on the ostentatious side, hmm?" Loki eyed the house, looking thoroughly unimpressed by its grandeur.

"For sure." Darcy agreed, "That's just gonna make TP'ing it all that much sweeter." She let her gym bag drop onto the ground before shooting Loki a grin, "Shall we?"

* * *

><p>Darcy was having the most fun she'd had in a long time. Sure, her plan hadn't gone quite as smoothly as she'd hoped (so much for all that meticulous planning), but this was even better.<p>

She finished spreading her last roll of toilet paper over the lawn before glancing across the yard to where Loki was finishing up on the rosebushes.

"Nice," she nodded her head towards the roses, "but you missed a spot on the left."

"How careless of me." Loki's voice was serious though Darcy could see a smile playing on his lips.

She opened her mouth to reply with some smart-ass comment but the loud, sharp bark of a dog interrupted her.

The barking grew more insistent and Darcy saw a light turn on inside the house. "We've been made!" She waved her arm at Loki in a frantic 'come here' motion.

He quickly dropped the roll of toilet paper in his hands and ran across the lawn towards her, briefly bending to snatch Darcy's empty bag off the grass, "Run, Lewis!"

It was odd, the barking almost seemed to be getting closer to them. Darcy narrowed her eyes, scanning the yard and sure enough, a yappy little terrier was hurtling towards her with its teeth bared.

"Shit, the dog is loose!" Darcy took off after Loki, "Scatter! Scatter!"

They ran the entire length of the street until they were back in Loki's yard.

Exhausted and out of breath, Darcy collapsed onto the grass, letting out a wheezing laugh, "Oh my God, I thought we were done for."

Loki plopped down next to her before reclining onto his back with a low chuckle. "Nice work, Lewis."

"You weren't so bad yourself." Darcy copied him, lying on her back to look up at the stars. She took a deep breath, savoring the crisp autumn air.

When she turned her head to look at Loki, she became acutely aware of how close their bodies were. His face was turned towards hers, only inches of grass between them. He was matching her wide smile with one of his own. Darcy was incredibly tempted to lean over and see if that grin tasted as good as it looked, but Loki beat her to it.

In one quick, fluid movement he rolled onto his side, resting his weight on one arm as he leaned down and kissed her.

It was like a sensory overload, Darcy thought as her lips moved against his. Suddenly she was hyperaware of everything about him: the incredible heat of his mouth, the way his body fit against hers, the soft noises of pleasure he made in the back of his throat.

His hand landed on her hip and in response Darcy threaded her fingers into his hair, eagerly deepening their kiss. When they parted, Loki was watching her with large, dark pupils. He wore an almost surprised look on his face and Darcy laughed, her fingers softly ghosting over his cheek.

"So that was something, huh?" She blinked up at him, momentarily getting lost in the way his eyes seemed to sparkle just as much as the night sky overhead.

"That was certainly something." Loki confirmed. He pushed himself off the grass and extended a hand to Darcy, pulling her to her feet. Once she was standing, his hand lingered on hers and Darcy saw his tongue peek out to swipe along his bottom lip, making her blood pump into overdrive.

"Would you care to come inside?" He asked almost shyly. "Have a celebratory cup of coffee for a prank well done?"

"Absolutely." Darcy grinned, looping her arm through his as they walked up the front steps of the porch.

It looked like her night of tricks had ended with a better treat than Darcy could have ever expected.


End file.
